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 Review #3840605 |
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| (4.5)| Hi, Fi  . I'm here to offer a review on behalf of
Overall Impression I was quite taken with your story, mesmerized is a better word. The narrator is a compelling character and his dialect was consistent and helped me visualize what he looked like. His cadence was soft and pleasant, almost as if he was back in that town, reliving the event. He certainly drew me into his story, which actually is quite simple. But he's a great story weaver. Benji's side comments never failed to bring a smile to my face. Especially when he said, ‘What’s not nice about it?’ I could’ve answered my own question, but I wouldn’t ‘ve known where to begin. The poverty and mean-spiritedness of the population was crystal clear and it tied up the ending quite nicely. I agree with Benji. They were so happy in their misery, why relieve them? And, the title suited the story so perfectly. Considerations “Feelin’ like Abed-nego in the furnace Maybe everyone but me understands the meaning, but I was lost. Something to do with hell, I suppose. In closing The first sentence is your hook, your one chance to engage the reader. I had to read it several times over and there's an injustice to the description and the character, Benji. I understand the rhythm and word order suits the mood and attitude of the story, but breaking it up would make it an easier read. If you want to keep it all one sentence, try breaking it up with commas, at least set off Benjamin's name. Since I am not familiar with your intentions or anyone to understand your style, I don't have any specific suggestions for that sentence. All I can offer is what I experienced. Reading this story was like stepping back, far away from the world around me. Benji's a strong character and he made the story charming. I would have been seriously upset if Benji did not describe what he saw. My thoughts are my own, one reader's opinion. Please ignore anything that doesn't help, as this review is offered in the spirit of WdC; a place for authors to help each other flourish. Keep up the good work. ** Image ID #1921223 Unavailable **    My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You last responded to this review 03/24/2013 @ 7:18pm EDT