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Review #3843974
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Review by Elle - on hiatus Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (4.0)
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A dragon reading a book by candle light


Hi there, this review was requested for you by ~ Aqua ~ Author Icon at the "The Power of Wishes Event" Open in new Window.. Please note that these are just my opinions and others will have different opinions.

I like the way the poem is full of imagery but still remains a little vague. That allows the reader to interpret it as they wish, and also holds true to the idea of a dream and how we see things in dreams.

*Cut*Sea of crimson wash over me,
Feathers of a raven fly me away.*Cut*
I love these opening lines. Ravens are symbolic of death, and together these two lines evoke imagines of death and blood, but in a very poetic way that seems almost beautiful.

*Cut*My heart longs to read the words of truth,
To be free of all the lies hiding the beauty.*Cut*
That last line above lets down your poem a little. You have almost lyrical lines to that point, then it sounds almost as if you're making a point to someone who has lied to you. I think it's almost too correct in its sentence structure, and it loses that lyrical quality that you have up to that point. I'm not sure what to suggest, and you probably just need to play around with the words. It might be something like 'discover beauty hiding beneath the lies' or similar. Just play with the words and see what appeals best to you.

*Cut*Tell me of the circuses and carnivals,
Show me the darkness behind the fun*Cut*
This one here again sounds a little too 'correct'. Perhaps if you remove some words to simplify it and keep that quality you started with. Perhaps 'Tell me of circuses and carnivals, show me darkness behind the fun.' The same words, just without the strictly correct sentence structure. Anyway, see what you think.

You have a real talent for poetry, and your work is lovely to read. It feels timeless and classic, and I love that it's not about your particular situation but open to interpretation.
Keep up the good work, and thanks for sharing.
Elle


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