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Review #3853193
Viewing a review of:
 Sugar Cane Chocolate: Sunflower Open in new Window. [E]
While working in a flower shop in New York City, someone unexpected buys her some flowers.
by Inianna Lynn Author Icon
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Title: Sugar Cane Chocolate: Sunflower

Author: Inianna Lynn Author Icon

Type: Short story


*BurstB* First Impression:

A very sweet and romantic story. It seems that the readers knew way before the narrator that the flowers would be for her, and the anticipation at her reaction made this a nice read. I liked her reaction when she listened to him talking about the girl, not thinking for a moment that he might mean her, and even feeling a little jealous. It is not a very realistic story, but who cares, sometimes we just have to sit back and enjoy nice moments like this when they come our way.

The writing was good, you set the scene well by mentioning her previous evening which gave the readers an insight into her state of mind, but you only used that as an introduction and moved on to the real story, the handsome stranger who would end up making her smile. Now who wouldn’t smile right along with her?

There were a few minor errors I spotted as I was reading, and in case you are interested in editing this story, I will point them out below.


*BurstG* Suggestions:

before before I hear the little bell
You accidentally wrote “before” twice there.

an angel get’s it’s wings
You need “its” without the apostrophe, which is the possessive pronoun meaning, more or less, of it or belonging to it (not “it’s” which is the contraction of “it is.”)

not sure if somethings wrong
You forgot the apostrophe in “something’s” or better, I would probably change it to “something is.”

a way of shyness wash over my
I think you probably meant, “a wave of shyness” and “wash over me.”


*BurstP* Final Thoughts:

It is a lovely story because it awakens those dreams in the readers that one day, maybe that handsome stranger might walk into their lives, too. That’s far better than eating ice cream and watching movies *Smile* I enjoyed the read.




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