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 Review #3853200 |
 | Apocalyptic New York(Preview)  [13+] Another story I made. I haven't finished it, although I might not continue it.  |
| (2.5)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Title: Apocalyptic New York(Preview) Author: ZombIE Type: Short story  First Impression: I don’t know the game you are referring to at the end (I Googled it though) but I don’t think it matters. The setting of the story is an interesting and popular one – a survivor or a few of them is fighting to stay alive in the aftermath of an apocalypse. What exactly caused the disaster isn’t clear, and I suppose that’s not really important either, except to add a bit of backstory and give the tale more depth. The same goes for the descriptions. I’m not sure if the format you chose for this, the first person present tense, the main character presumably writing in his diary, will really work for a longer story. It is somewhat limiting as you only get one point of view, one story when there must be many more to tell of other survivors. What I also found was that because of the format, there was no dialogue since the narrator wouldn’t write like that, he would simply tell what happened to him during the day, not show it as you would in a fictional story. To me, the story could be more interesting if you changed that, told it differently and introduced dialogue with other survivors, more descriptions, more backstory.  Suggestions: if I'm going to be die I think it’s just a typo but I would omit the word “be.” It sounds as if it was a hideous monster is sneaking up Again, I don’t think the word “is” should be there. I haven't actually saw the person “seen the person.” Well It's getting close “it’s” shouldn’t be capitalised. bark at a abandon building “an abandoned...” I can't see Spike any where “anywhere,” one word.  Final Thoughts: I liked the hints that you gave at the beginning of the story, “a man who may have been connected to the incident, which caused monsters to come and practically destroy humanity” but the story itself doesn’t make any mention of that. Of course, as you said, this is only the beginning and you haven’t finished writing the story. It’s an intriguing idea and I think you should continue it as it sounds promising. Perhaps if you made a few changes to the format of the story, as I mentioned above, you might find it easier to continue it as in my opinion, it would make the story more interesting. ** Image ID #1833397 Unavailable **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 04/30/2013 @ 10:29pm EDT