Hi,

I came across your item, liked what I read and would like to share my thoughts about it.


Plot: The Beautiful Lady from France is called for help when it comes out that Jimmy Schmuckledoom is on the loose again. Of course, William, Brianna and Mikey are again with her ...


Style/Voice: 3rd person omniscient.


Setting: The Lady's place (fancy girl ) and the woods (sparse to no detail of The Lady's & Schmuckledoom's hideaways.)



Characters:

The Beautiful Lady from France is some classy girl with a pent house, chic car, a horse, and loads of time for leisure. Yet, she's like on fire when she can break out of her surely pretty unusual daily routines. She's enjoying each of them, but she lives for calls like McConnell's. This eems her true calling that gives her the thrills and make the best in her come forward. She goes fearlessly and excited yet also well-planned to the hunt, and she's flexible and cool enough to handle sudden changes as she proves in the previous installment already. Also, she seems to be good friends with the children's parents whom entrust them to her with barely resistance what either means they know nothing, or they trust her entirely that she knows what she's doing. She's very fond of all three and considers them valuable players in their team.

William not only is a little rebellious (even if quiet), but also a considerate kid who understands that certain things must be done ... and he's not afraid.

Mikey is the most "childish" of the three siblings. He can't really estimate yet what's at stake with their new "mission", but shows that he has an idea at least.

Brianna is the oldest and most adult of the three. She thinks before she acts, and can also resist temptations already like she shows when Fredo makes his seductive offer to her. But she shows deep family ties when denying it for taking care of her little brothers. She truly loves them ... but something also intrigued her concerning Fredo.

Mr. Scgmuckledoom is his usual charming self, but now to the power of ten! The guy's a truly mean, crazy, erratic man, almost an anarchist. He doesn't really seem to want to stop doing what he's doing for whatever mannered "ransom" ... he does it out of a mean conviction, hatred for children and a sadistic trait. And he's a planner, a quite rational planner as well.



Grammar: Beware! Below I've pointed out, corrected things and made suggestions based on how I would've put things. However, I'm ESL, so you might not agree with everything.

You already mentioned that put the stories on the board just as they popped out of your mind, without greatly revising them. So I added punctuation and smoothed out something here and there. As it turned out a little much , I'll send you the Line-by-Line via mail. People should read the story by stoppng by your port, not from the PRP. (I'd want that myself.) Obviously Brit and Irish words / phrases I let like they were as I find them pretty charming, and they just are ingrediental part of the stories.



Personal Opinion: Here, you didn't pull any punches for sure! You went from a little playing with matches straight on to potential Christmas Doom.

Schmuckledoom was the "star", albeit a pretty negative one. He seems to be both anarchic and irrational and focused and well-planned, and that are the worst kind of evil guys. One can only wonder with what he comes up next ... or what made him become so evil in the first place. A great hook to stay tuned!

We got to know The Lady in her natural habitat and her personal relationships, especially to the kids, and it was nice to get this glimpse into her life. Yet there's still the little problem with the mental image. We all want to be able to put a face and a look to our heros respective fictional "hosts" who et us into theirs lives. The bond between them and us is important and the core of every story. Funny enough, with Schmuckledoom it works best until now, but not with the actual heros.

What I found good though was that the kids got more profile. Each has gotten a few indistinguishable traits that separates them from their siblings. Brianna, the calm, responsible, selfless one who puts family first. William the little brave fighter. Mikey, as the youngest, simply the "child" yet. Very good!

Well, Mr. Rob, that were - despite The Editor's (my alter ego) fits two thrilling but even more entertaining reads which I read with joy. They were not just something for kids ... but also for "old folks" like me.
Tell - and write on! Your grandkids and readers will thank you.

Thanks for sharing.

Don't forget that I'm just someone voicing her opinion. You know best what's best for your story.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .