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Title: A short story

Author: aamitchell01

Type: Short story


I wonder if this is written from experience. It certainly sounds very personal, but it could just be the style you use. It was a little like the reader sat opposite the narrator in a coffee shop sipping a latte while listening to this tale. That’s a good thing, in case you wondered, and I liked it a lot. There were parts where the thoughts jumped around a bit, which increased the feeling of having a conversation because if someone tells a story, it doesn’t always follow logically.

While the tale is about a teenage couple, the narration is very mature and the insightful comments on the relationship, the other friends and school were nicely done. I got a bit confused in the middle part which one of the boys you were talking about, for me, the narration jumped too quickly from one to the other, and since you hadn’t introduced the boyfriend by name, I wasn’t quite sure who was who. But that is quickly fixed with a few words of explanation, or maybe it’s just me, so feel free to ignore this.

For a story of nearly 1,700 words, it certainly flew by and I was disappointed when it ended. You say that this might be the first chapter of a novel, and it would be interesting to see where you are planning to take it. The main character seems to have already worked out that she is with the wrong boy, even if she doesn’t admit it to herself, and that one of her friends would be far better suited to her than her current boyfriend. So I guess that’s where the tale will be heading, her realising it and acting upon it. If there is enough there for a novel remains to be seen, but I guess things don’t always go smoothly and there will be trials along the way. I hope that you will continue writing this story, and I wish you luck with it.




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