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 Review #3862573 |
 | section 1  [13+] The life of Lee Spellman  |
| (3.5)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Title: section 1 Author: kylie.books Type: Chapter  First Impression: I remember hating the first day back at school after summer vacation, so this story struck a chord with me, lol. It didn’t even matter if it was a special day, like the first day at a new school. Add to that the typical apathy of a teenager, and I was right there with the main character. You described those feelings well, I thought, and especially this sentence, I debated arguing over how breakfast cereal wasn't exactly healthy, but that would require talking and I was to tired to talk. was well done as it really summed it up. I liked the relationship Lee seems to have with his parents. Despite the fact that his father wakes him up rather abruptly and his mother bothers him with talk about girlfriends, he doesn’t storm off to his room and slam the door, but he tolerates them, which is really the best thing parents can expect   Suggestions: There are a few technical issues with the story, mainly the fact that you often forgot to capitalise the first word in sentences. Also, there needs to be some kind of punctuation before the closing speech marks in dialogue, usually a comma if the sentence continues with a dialogue tag (like “he said”) or a period if it doesn’t. I might have broke my alarm “broken.” your a Junior now It should be, “you’re” which is the contraction of “you are.” “Your” reflects ownership, as in "yours, mine, and ours". I was to tired to talk You need “too” instead of “to.”  Final Thoughts: There are some humorous passages in this story, like the part where Lee talks to his books and tells them not to listen to his dad. I wasn’t quite sure if he was serious or not, and I suppose he was a little (not wanting to make him sound strange in any way, but I could imagine the scene well and it seemed to fit his character.) There isn’t much of a clue where this story is going to go, but so far, it looks like it’s going to be an interesting tale, and I wish you luck if you continue to write it.   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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