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Review #3862620
Viewing a review of:
SAILORS OF THE SUMMER STARS Open in new Window. [E]
VERSES ABOUT A CLOSE ENCOUNTER
by SIGURD Author Icon
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*

*Boat2* My Initial Reaction

The title of your poem intrigued me, and I had to check it out. I'm glad that the content was as awesome as the title! This is a beautifully written piece, it's almost lyrical the way it flows. There are a couple lines where you have multiple-syllable repeat words, but that works here. I especially liked how at first he says he is sailor of the stars, then that she is, nice! Your language usage is excellent, the lines of this poem are descriptively written. Overall, I found this to be well written, telling a haunting tale of love.

*Waterdrop* My Thoughts Regarding Improvement

First: Though this is a poem, the laws of grammar still apply. *Wink* You might want to think about adding in some quotation marks for your dialogue. Another idea could be to denote dialogue with italics. I suppose that would be acceptable for poetry.

Second: I believe that removing the first second comma in the first line of the final stanza would improve flow. A pause in the line does not work here, at least to me.

Third: In my opinion, you need to tack on the word "a" to the start of the final line. Starting with "gift" makes the bit awkward to read.

*Anchor* My Closing Comments

Thank you for an amazing read! Please note that this review is given in the spirit of one writer trying to help another to grow. My rating is based off of "Comment-In-A-Box" Open in new Window., which I find to have excellent guidelines.

-- Oceanborne

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/01/2013 @ 12:35pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3862620