Happy WDC Anniversary Aralls,


The Heart of the Story/Poem:
What a humorous tale of the terrors at Wal-Mart. If Sam Walton were alive he would fire all his family for doing such a disservice to the name. You hit on all the points of irritation of Wally World, small aisles, closed check-outs, and over-worked employees. I just went today myself and, as usual, it was unpleasant.

Things That Might Make It Better:
I became confused with the part about Gary Genie. Something about the flow or it needed some more set up or explanation there. There are some sentence structure issues that need to be addressed. I will list one here for you. See below.


Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
I’d love to live in Target, but let’s be honest. They’re expensive and don’t have the grocery or automobile selection. I would write it this way for clarity. I'd love to live in Target,but let's be honest, they're expensive and don't have a great grocery or automobile selection.

Things I Like:
The kicker for me was the old man pinching the woman on the butt even though he acted all helpless. They generally get you to trust them as harmless then they pinch you, come on to you like they are fifteen, or steal a kiss. I know all the tricks.

Thank you for allowing me to review your piece. I know it was for a contest and you were limited with word count or word choice.
It was a pleasure.

Grace L

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .