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Hi Lonewolf ,

Happy Birthday from Showing Acts of Joy

The Heart of the Story/Poem:
You are introducing a character in this small snippet. The entire shot feels urgent.

Things That Might Make It Better:
NONE, this is a short introduction.

Punctuation/Spelling/Grammar:
One typo I just had to point out, sorry. You wrote: not to return the states he would get. I think you meant stares like in the second paragraph.

Things I Like:
I like the picture at the top of this piece. It feels really eerie, scary, edge of my seat exciting.

I've read your writing before and all of it is great! I love it when I read something and it hits me right between the breast plate and this one does! Keep writing.
Grace L
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .