Hi Amalie,

Awesome story! Thanks for sharing this piece. I enjoyed the continuing revelations about this family. The surprises were revealed well and felt natural, and you created characters that reverberated very strongly with me.

The following review is quite thorough, and I've only been so wordy because I very much enjoyed your story. My comments are the opinion of one reader, and I hope you will take what is helpful and discard the rest.

asymmetrical clacking of her heels - I'm not sure why her heel would clack asymmetrically. It's usually a pretty uniform beat, and I'm not sure what you're implying by this derivation from the norm.

Throughout the first paragraph, you use the word "would" before describing the character's actions. This is a filter word that distances your reader from the story by reminding them they're reading. Without it, the reader could instead directly follow your main character on her circuit without feeling removed from the action.

In the second paragraph, a character speaks before they are introduced. As a reader, this made me feel off balance for a moment. It's usually easier on your reader's mind and makes it easier for them to follow the story to introduce the speaker before the speech. The rest of the second paragraph is a lovely show of the relationship between these two characters and sets us up for the strain to come,

morning’s Daily Gazette without preamble. - "Take a look at this" would be preamble.

I love your image of the governor's face! Excellent show, nicely done.

halting her violation of the floor. - I felt confused by this for a moment. You have her clicking and clacking, but there is no violence in the description that made me feel the character was violating the floor. I do love the image though, and feel it could work nicely with a bit more support.

He realized she was trembling in her anger. - I recently received this bit of advice from another WDC reviewer and would like to pay it forward. Like with "would" above, using phrases like "He saw," "He realized," "He noticed," creates a distance between the narrator and the reader. Instead just stating the object he saw and showing his reaction really brings the character and the story to life by making the reader experience it in a more immediate fashion.

Jodi tore herself from the embrace and continued on her circuit. - I love this. Simple, elegant, and it shows us a ton about Jodi.

Oh my god, I was not expecting the photographs to be of who they were!!! Scandalously delicious...

Michael crossed his arms over his chest. - This is a personal impression completely, but I didn't feel like his motions jibed with his feelings here. Crossed arms show resignation. He's being more defiant and gesticulate-y here. In my opinion, of course. I also felt like his diatribe went on a little long to feel completely realistic. The reader already knows most of this about the narrator, and brevity might serve to keep their attention riveted to the incredibly tense situation you've created here.

realizing in surprise that Jodi no longer had to reach down to place her arms around her daughter’s neck. - This was lovely, and got me a bit teary after the emotional scene. Nice.

One more thing I noticed is that there is quite a bit of perspective hopping here. When writing short stories in third person, it is typical to pick one character and show the story from their perspective. This keeps the reader following one character specifically, grounding them in your tale, and giving them an anchor so they feel more deeply immersed in the story. Here, you begin in Jodi's perspective, then switch to Michael's when he's comforting her, then it goes back to Jodi's.

Thank you for sharing this story! It was very well done, and pulled off with style. I'm glad to have had the chance to read it. I hope my comments are helpful to you.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .