It is my pleasure to review
"Invalid Item" 
in affiliation with "Invalid Item" 
as a Member-To-Member Review

PLOT / STORY-LINE / THEME
I love an unexpected ending, and this tale certainly delivered that. I enjoyed the story-line. In just a few words you created a realistic, believable setting where clones are commonplace and considered sub-human. But Knarf kind of upset that standard, didn't he?
This line says it all:
But perhaps compassion was merely a construct created by television producers.


TITLE / DESCRIPTION OF ITEM
The title fits the story well and the brief description is an enticing hook to lure in potential readers without giving too much away.


STRUCTURE / POV / CLARIFICATION
The story is well structured with no areas of confusion. Your point of view is consistently maintained as you stayed in Knarf's head and told the story through his eyes.


SETTINGS / CHARACTERS / DIALOGUE
I think your strong point here is your exposition of the settings and the characters. I was able to establish a visual image of the McEatMe (great pun, by the way), and I had a genuine feel for the kind clone, the selfish professor, and even the minor characters. The dialogue you created awarded each character their own unique personality which the reader could sense through their words.


GRAMMAR / PUNCTUATION / SPELLING
You seem to have an above average knowledge of grammar and punctuation. I saw little to comment on in this area. There are a couples of sentences I'd like to point out for your consideration.

You wrote:
He’d only ever heard the professor’s in person before, and he’d longed to hear a woman speak to him for years.
I had trouble with the sentence structure here. I read it a couple of times and the way it's written, it seems like you are saying that Knarf longed for a woman who would speak for years. I'm sure you mean that for years Knarf had longed to hear a woman's voice. If you move the prepositional phrase for years, I think that would work.
He’d only ever heard the professor’s in person before, and for years, he’d longed to hear a woman speak to him.

You wrote:
“I’ve told you many times, anaphylactic shock would be a treat.
This looks like a comma splice. There are two separate sentences here, joined only by a comma. You could make the first clause a dependent adverbial clause by adding the subordinating conjunction as before it.
“As I’ve told you many times, anaphylactic shock would be a treat.

I have a suggestion for the last line. I didn't want to copy it and give the surprise ending away for any reviewer who hasn't read it. Rather than use periods for those two-word comments, you might consider ellipses between the words. That would denote hesitation in his speech.


OVERALL COMMENTS
You are a talented story-teller with a delightful writing style, MBlank. I hope you continue to share your stories with us. Thank you for this opportunity to review your work. My suggestions and opinions are offered only in the spirit of helpfulness from one aspiring writer to another.

  Winnie Kay  


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .