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 Review #3910065 |
| Hi! I am Kimelia and I really enjoyed reading your work. Following is a review of your work. Please note that this is only my opinion and whether you decide to take my advice is up to you. I hope that my review is helpful and if you have any questions or comments concerning my review, contact me.Thanks for sharing your work and allowing me the opportunity to read it.Title: "Invalid Item" Author: AuthorJJMadden My overall opinion: I really enjoyed reading this chapter of your story. It is very interesting and your writing flows well and is easy to follow. Point of View: The point of view is 3rd person, limited to Kieran. There are no inconsistencies. Characters: The main characters are Kieran and her dragon friend, Mohng. Your characters are well developed. Plot/Pace: The plot is very interesting. Kieran is going before the council of the dragons to present an item that was thought to be lost. She meets an old dragon who warns her about the future and her role in it. The pace is good. Dialogue:The dialogue is real and believable. Your use of dialogue strengthens the story, I especially like the dialogue between Kieran and Mohng in the beginning, it gives the reader insight into the relationship between the two characters. Grammar/Punctuation: There are a few typos, but nothing major. Line by Line: Mohng‘s... I removed a space here. ..and by the angular features of its face, and point of its ears that it was not human. You established earlier in the sentence that 'it' was male, so why not refer to 'it' as 'he' in the rest of the sentence. ...the Halfling faded back... I thought he was an elf? And every one of them was bigger than Mohng by half. ...with her snout. I think you meant his here, in all other passages, the dragon is referred to as a male. ...screwing up enough courage.. 'Screwing up' doesn't really make sense here. "She is our guest... You forgot you " before she. “And you were right to do so,” Sabic said. The dragon's head... This is a review in conjunction with "AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event" We're goin' bananas over here; join us, we have internet cookies  Final Thoughts
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