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Review #3912607
Viewing a review of:
 Briarthorn, Chapter One, Part One Open in new Window. [13+]
A fantasy based heavily on Elder Scrolls lore, though not restricted to fans of the series
by Mike Makara Author Icon
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
I selected your story from those newly published on the Reading Newbies forum of WdC. Welcome, to Writing.com. Your experience in this community will surely be a positive and creative one. I am glad you have published your work here.

I enjoyed reading your work and I am pleased to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
Extreme tension and a tough reality are immediately created in the first line of the story.     The reader is offered quickly the option to join Terra in her process of healing and remembering. What happened at the lake that she should now suddenly be gagging on a healing potion? It all comes back with clarity and emotion.
 
Interest and Pace
The first paragraph is well designed to bring the reader into a new world with a new purpose. What is happening to Terra and where is she, are questions that spark one to read on and discover with her the world and circumstances that have left her sick and without memory.
 
I enjoyed Dar’jut’s way of being for the stricken Terra. He is odd, but caring and compassionate and matter of fact about the magic he has had to contend with in his world. Terra’s sardonic attitude is interjected in a clever way “Awfully sweet of a contract killer.” Both characterizations grew in strength as the chapter opened up.
Structure and Clarity
The story carries a good classic form introducing the wonderful Terra immediately, setting the scene through her eyes and clouded memory. The quick introduction of Dar’jut provides a striking contrast to the stricken Terra. The mystery around Terra works, because it seems obvious that the reader will be allowed to know about her as the story progresses. The scene unfolds clearly as Terra engages with Dar’jut to get the answers to the puzzles in her head.
 
Edits/Revisions
I did not find any place within the work where I would recommend edits or revisions.
 
Summary
It was wonderful being introduced into the world you have created. There are obviously familiar elements: a lake, a girl, a town, camping; but the reader is made aware of a strong potion, catfolk, the Rogue Mage and the strange catfolk creature Dar’jut and the conflict with an enemy with the ability to cast a powerful spell, all blended together with great precision and clarity. The story is crafted with great skill to allow the reader to absorb all of these elements in a very short read, setting up the next adventure that is ahead for Terra and her friend.
 
 
This was a most enjoyable read. Thank you and have a blessed and creative day!
 
~Kenword~
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