I selected your poem to review through the Random Review Forum of WdC. It was a real pleasure reading your work and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
This is my kind of poem. It has a nice flow and brilliant images of what is now with hints of what once was.
 
What once was the people’s magnificent crown
Has gradually rotted and broken down.
The city has crumbled, its walls are but dust,
Its jewels and gems are buried in rust.
I am caught up in the historical significance of what was lost. But “rotted” and “city…crumbled” reminds me that these forces are at work in my own community now. I am trapped, and yet hopeful. Time causes erosion to linger and seem slow. Will I actually have time to make a difference.
 
Interest and Pace
 
My interest is in the people that came before the destruction. They were priests, parents, rulers, they were about children and business. I am familiar with these things as my history blends with the civilizations that still haunt my past in your poem.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
Your form is my favorite. I love well-chosen words that rhyme and flow easily. Every image is clear and the flow of the words evokes a song of sorrow in my heart for what once was and a wonder for what may yet unfold as other civilizations face their extinction.
 
Edits/Revisions
The only line that made me a little uneasy, and again it is easy on my part to be picky, and this is certainly my preference.
Vanishing words in tongues unknown
Cry out, though all listeners from here have flown.
Age by age they grow fainter since
Civilization long departed hence..
 
I’m just not a big fan of the word “hence.” It doesn’t resonate with the power and strength of your other lines and my feeling is the whole poem would work well without this one stanza. All of your other images and words give clear indication in a much more powerful way of what you are saying in these four lines.
Summary
 
There was a civilization and it speaks to the generations that have ascended since their strength was taken away. “In High Lofty Mountains” I am given a chance to sing their praise and wonder at the same time about the fate of the civilization for which I am responsible. The poem is gracious and lyrical and wonderfully and purely written.
 
 
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your poem. It was wonderfully written and a joy to read!
 
~Kenword~
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:

FORUM

AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event  (E) CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks! #1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 

    Come cast a vote for this years Mr./Miss Thankfulness!
 

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .