*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3918901
Review #3918901
Viewing a review of:
Memories Of Beatrice  [E]
A story about Beatrice Turner. I used real-life facts of her life in this short story.
by Jezebel Jeannie
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
I selected your story to review through the WdC Side Bar from the main page.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your work. I am especially pleased with the revisions you have done with your piece and I am glad to give you some impressions I have as well as a short review.

 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
Beatrice is a delightful character. Her strengths, loves, favors, blessings, hurts and weaknesses adorn her with real life beauty. Even when first met by Stephanie she seems old and staid in another century with definite unalterable ideas about life and art. She seems preserved in time as her father dotes on her with love poems and eccentricities that shock the modern mind of Stephanie.
Interest and Pace
 
Like a beautiful painting, your writing draws my interest in on the landscapes, the community and the people where Stephanie lives, especially the unique artist, Beatrice. She seems to be suspended in time, unaffected by its passing and yet preserving herself in her self portraits. The pace of the story is maintained gracefully and I felt as though I was drawn into a dance by the elegant prose.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
The twists in the story as Beatrice becomes reclusive and out of touch with the community and the outer work on the mansion that reflect the sorrow inside is well written and clear. As Beatrice once again comes into Stephanie’s life it is charming that Beatrice wants to become more like her sometimes friend. This line is one of my favorites capturing the sorrow of Beatrice's circumstances, ”…But I’m not fine! I’m afraid of all these changes that are constantly going on all around me. Look at me, I’m still in my Victorian dress!" She looked so lost and bewildered. For me it is a pivotal moment when transformation could begin, and the hope is there. But as always in these kinds of life situations- will the person choose to step beyond the bounds that have held them back? But clearly we are led to understand that Beatrice is still very much in a invisible trap.
 
Edits/Revisions
 
The work you have done to polish your story is very commendable. I have just one suggestion in the last paragraph where the line reads, ”Later on, when all of her work was sorted out, her work was displayed for everyone to look and enjoy…” The line might read better if the words were changed to either “look upon” or “view” .
 
Summary
 
Beatrice, is known for being a Victorian lady stuck in the 20th century with gifts and talents so tied to the will of her parents that she can never flourish beyond the walls of her compound. Painting pictures is her only release and outlet for passion. Stephanie goes beyond friendship to become Beatrice’s assurance of a legacy as everything that she has created is threatened by a junk man’s fire.
 
 
This character study is one of my favorites. Thank you for sharing your talents and gifts.
 
~Kenword~
*MugR*
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:
 
FORUM
AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event  (E)
CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks!
#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
*Music2**Music1**Music2*
    Come cast a vote for this years Mr./Miss Thankfulness!
 
101@101513



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 11/01/2013 @ 5:56pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3918901