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 Review #3919018 |
 | The Last Time I Saw Him  [ASR] Poem for Round 2--Last Time I Saw Him--Topic for Slam '04.  |
| (4.5)   An Autumn Showering Acts of Joy Review  by Solivagus Greetings VictoriaMcCullough !** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  This review is part of your shower from "Invalid Item" !  General Summary Slam poetry. The articulate throwing down of words in a form of undeniably concise expression. There are no double meanings, only metaphor. No lies, only brave truth. The piece "Invalid Item" , first crafted for a Slam contest back in 2004, is just as potent as when used to compete. Form Slam poetry is one of those experiential poetries that people do not truly understand with just word alone. What you've done though, is add a function to the form of the prose involved. It isn't necessary to verse out a slam poem, but here you have. And it flows so perfectly with the breath and thought process... I found myself appreciating the detailed efforts you took to add a readability that provides a glimpse of how you'd perform it. Word Choice As you well know the bread and butter of a slam poem is the ability to use exactly the right word to mean what you mean. Stand-out wording: "his words were always chicken soup". I almost feel you don't need "when I was sick". It seems to be that your relationship didn't necessitate an illness to inspire his prescription. I am curious and unsure what you meant when you said "the catalyst of a dead-era". It is my understanding that a catalyst is an agent of change. Would you mind enlightening me as to the reason you chose this word? Stand-out wording: "Like a raving beauty in the wee hours underneath an eternal moon." A perfect ending inspiring the imagery of a man who "went home" at last, and is enjoying his time doing at rest what he did in life which was to bring a sense of joy into the situations that involved him. Didn't he, just? Rhythm Impeccable. I have no adjustments, I could hear you performing this as it was written, the rhythm was musical - smooth - beautiful - and most importantly: intentional. Considerations in Earnest My only suggestion is to select a different word than catalyst, for that line. Not because I'm a silly boy and have no idea what it means in the context of its use, but rather because it sounds wrong there. Catalyst and dead-era are so bipolar in the way they sound to team up describing a 'funny old' hat. I'm not a genius though, so other people reading this review might be like, "Duh, catalyst is the perfect word." Overall Impression Being the first slam poem I had seen on this site I was very daunted to take a look because it was a hobby I enjoyed when I was in New York. I loved this piece and was so glad to see that a written piece can be just as musical if presented correctly. I am very impressed with this and hope that I have all the time in the world to read the rest of the folder. Happy Autumn,  Solivagus New Member of "Invalid Item" I hope this review has been positive, constructive, helpful, and at least pretty. Thank you for allowing me the privilege of seeing your craft.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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