Hi. My name is Max. Thanks for asking me to read your chapter. I enjoyed it and wanted to share some thoughts with you about it.

Item Reviewed: "Invalid Item" 
Chapter: "Invalid Entry" 
Author kzn
Reviewer: Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈

                                                             
As always, these are just one person's opinions. Always remember Only you know what is best for your story. I've read and commented on your work as I would try to read my own. I hope you find something here useful , and that you will discard the rest with good cheer.

                                                             
What I liked best
There are some lovely descriptions of the US west here--it's almost as if we're embedded in an Ansel Adams photograph or perhaps an Albert Bierstadt painting.

                                                             
Plot
There's really not a lot that happens here. Damsel encounters the river, takes a swim, thinks someone's looking at him, then surveys the valley and the town. This advances character and setting, but doesn't appear to advance the plot that we saw in chapter one. There's a bit of tension when he feels like he's being watched, but it dissipates pretty almost at once.

                                                             
Hook
Continuing with the above, there's not a hook. This blog has an excellent discussion of hooks and chapter endings:
http://thebookdoctorbd.blogspot.com/2011/09/using-scene-and-sequel-as-chapter-ho...
I'd suggest you read it and find a way to use one of the three endings--disaster, dilemma, decision--to construct a hook at the end of this chapter.

                                                             
Style and Voice
Third person limited. No slips. But there are a few places--noted in the line-by-line remarks below--where some slight re-framing would help to reinforce the POV.

                                                             
Characters
There's just Damsel. We get that he's an outsider who doesn't think much of civilization.

                                                             
Grammar

Adverbs. You don't overuse adverbs, but they show up enough to be worth a comment. You know what Stephen King says about adverbs . I think he is correct. Adverbs are often a shorthand in which the author falls into "telling" rather than "showing." I try to use zero adverbs, since otherwise I'd sprinkle them all over the place like fairy dust. I've marked one or more places in the line-by-line comments below where I think you might consider a more precise verb or a touch more description rather than an adverb.

                                                             
Just my personal opinion
One way to think of telling a story is that it is a guided dream in which the author leads the readers through the events. In doing this, the author needs to engage the readers as active participants in the story, so that they become the author's partner in imagining the story. Elements of craft that engage the readers and immerse them in the story enhance this fictive dream. On the other hand, authors should avoid things that interrupt the dream and pull readers out of the story.

This chapter does a pretty good job of launching and maintaining the fictional dream. Again, I've made a few minor suggestions below on ways you might tweak it, but you've done well with this difficult task.

The main things that I think need improvement are action--plot--and the hook. Thanks for asking me to read this!!! I enjoyed it.

                                                             
Line-by-line remarks
Your text is in BLUE.
My comments are in RED.
If I suggest a re-wording, it's in GREEN.
                                                             
With each painful step forward, it appeared to Damsel the great-untamed west changed it's mode gradually, from the dusty dun colours of the endless sand and rock of the desert to the dark green-gold ting of the tall distant pine trees stretching endlessly through the wandering valleys, and beyond. My Comment: This opening names your point-of-view character, has him doing something, and orients the reader in time and space. Those are all good things to do.

The "painful step" also helps to put the reader into Damsel's head, since it's subjective. But it's also kind of nonspecific, since it doesn't show Damsel experiencing the pain. For example, if each step "sends pain shooting up Damsel's leg" or "sends searing pain into his blistered feet," it's a little stronger. If he reacts in some way--winces, pauses, swears, whatever--it would also help to put us in his head.

I also think the "it appeared" is a little less intimate and immediate than some other way conveying this might be. For example, he might gaze over the distant pines and be grateful to be out of the dusty colors f the endless rock and sand.

Another thing that strikes me here--and other places, too--is that you're trying a bit too hard with the adjectives. A few well-placed adjectives can add much to the setting, but too many and it begins to feel over-written: the adjectives call attention to themselves rather than help build the picture of the setting. Also, to reinforce point of view, the adjectives themselves should be things that Damsel would think and use. Thus, "dun-colored" and "green-gold" felt a little over-done.

Finally, there are a couple of minor grammatical points. "It's" is always short for "it is," so the apostrophe is incorrect. The US spelling is "tinge," but I don't know about the UK spelling.

Just before noon, he stumbled upon the Buffalo River at the point where it emerged from the gorge between two large columns overlooking Grayville Ridge. The almost identical columns stood abreast of each other, each towering to a height of over a thousand feet but steeply divided by the gorge through which the Buffalo River flowed before tumbling two hundred and fifty feet, through three different stages, down into the valley below.My Comment: This feels a little bit like an omniscient narrator describing things. For example, if the columns "tower over him" or "he cranes his neck to stare at the thousand-foot high summit", then you've reinforced the fact that he's seeing these things. As another point, stumbled upon" suggests he was surprised, or at least that the river wasn't expected--but it's telling the reader that fact instead of showing it through his actions. Finally, be careful about repeating words and phrases as this runs the risk of making your prose feel monotone: "columns" appears five times in this short chapter.

The sense of un-urgency still hung over himMy Comment: "un-urgency" isn't quite the right word, I think. "Peace," or "bliss" might better.

The endless purl of swirling eddies gently massaging his exhausted body as he floated naked on his back, watching a solitary vulture circling in majestic splendour on the unseen currents above the two towering columns as a dark daub against an electric-blue sky. My Comment: This sentence is a fragment--there is no subject nor verb. If the endless eddies "massaged" his body, then you'd be good. This is another place where I felt you are working too hard with the adjectives. "Majestic splendor," "dark daub" and "electric-blue" are all good by themselves, but add up to over-reach when they are all together. Finally, I'd split this sentence half: the waters massage his body. His gaze follows the vulture.

Damsel rinsed his clothing then spread them out to dryMy Comment: "clothing" is singular and "them" is plural--at least in US usage--so, for agreement, I'd write "clothes."

From his position, he got his first sight of Grayville Ridge.My Comment: This is the author stating a fact. If you could, instead, have him cast his gaze on Grayville Ridge and wonder something about the town to show--rather than tell--that it's his first sight of the place, it would reinforce his POV.

A four-hour march, he reckoned looking up at the sun.My Comment: This is excellent--it shows him estimating the time to get there, and reinforces it with an action.

He had no need for the mechanical ticking of moving metal arms, as did the folks of the cities, their days broken into hours and minutes and sometimes even further into seconds, as those who controlled the industrial wealth of the country. Greedy men, that threatened the great expanse of wilderness with their tainted charms and promise of good fortune for all men. Already the large steel horse had arrived - wealthy men shrouded in death and dishonesty - its large steel hooves cutting endless grooves into the fragile ecosystem of the ever-widening frontiers. All this in the name of progress and the American dream, Washington had told its nation My Comment: This, on the other hand, feels like the author intruding to tell the reader things. In particular, I doubt very much Damsel would think "ecosystem." Now, this is easy to fix. Have him sneer at the gleam of the railroad tracks, for example, and you've accomplished most of what's in this paragraph with that one facial expression.

the waterfall emptied its endless flow sensitively into it.My Comment: "Sensitively" is one of several adverbs that I'd delete. I don't see how waters can be "sensitive" even metaphorically, so this doesn't really add to the description.

                                                             

I only review things I like, and I really liked this story. I'm a professor by day, and find awarding grades the least satisfying part of my job. Since I'm reviewing in part for my own edification, I decided long ago to give a rating of "4" to everything I review, thus avoiding the necessity of "grading" things on WDC. So please don't assign any weight to my "grade" -- but know that I selected this story for review because I liked it and thought I could learn from studying it.

Again, these are just one person's opinions. Only you know what is best for your story! The surest path to success is to keep writing and to be true to your muse!

Thanks again for sharing this item. Keep on writing!

Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈
http://MaxGriffin.net/
http://MaxGriffin.net/blog/
Check out my essay   on short stories.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .