Overall Impressions:

This is a poem that to me shows a peek of what's under the mask of most people today. It's what we all do. We pretend we're fine, we smile, remain silent, keep smiling and pretending everything is great while time ticks away and then we wonder what happened? Some of us break down and some people refuse to let anyone see the truth behind that mask, because they are indeed... Relentless


Form:


The appearance of the poem is consistent keeping the flow of thought just where it needs to be.
Almost has a quatrain quality about it.
It's 15 lines consisting of 3 stanzas of 4 lines, each followed by a single line.



Rhythm:


There is no rhythm or syllable repetition in this poem. It's a free style poem (I think, even though there is some rhyming, don't think that breaks the rules of free style though), and it's quite creative!

Rhyme and Rhyme Scheme:


The rhyming scheme seems to follow this pattern:
abcb d efgf h ijkj l


Imagery:


When I read this poem, I think of most people I know in my everyday day life. We all have our issues and problems, but life has to go on. We do what we have to do to pay bills, yet be fight for our fun and freedom wherever we can get it. This causes stress and sometimes leads to even more problems,like panic and anxiety (raises hand).

Mood:

The mood of this poem isn't quite dark, but it is at the same time because the topic is basically about feelings and fears we don't share but go through day after day. Just trying to make it through with our sanity in tact like we're expected to. Makes you realize why most of America is on Anti-depressants, haha!


Favorite Parts:

My favorite thing about this poem was the one thing that confused me the first time I read it earlier, but as I came back to it this evening I really enjoyed it.

The one liners after each stanza emphasis the last line of the previous stanza creating a type of punctuation mark that drives your point home deeper.

Your smile hides a quiet desperation,
a silent fear you won't admit.
Time ticks away, relentlessly,
and you smile just a little bit.

Just a little bit more.

We smile everyday during situations we really don't want to. Whether it be at home, work, or even with the kids. Despite wanting to throw in the towel sometimes we force ourselves to smile just a little bit more to make it through.

Cramming life and memories into days,
stuffing hours full of life and fun,
but the tension creeps upon you,
and the clock counts down to one.

One less day.

This is what we HAVE to do to survive. Cram everything we can into one day. Time with work, to make money to maintain a home life and have fun and support our families, while saving for a vacation or retirement or something else we desperately want to de-stress and yet each day is one day less that we have to stuff life and fun and memories.

Panic lends a glitter to your eyes,
and substance to the shadows that aren't real.
But you'll keep smiling, damn it,
won't let anyone see that you do feel.

You do feel fear.

Ah the panic, this I can really relate to, while we try and hold everything together by keeping that smile and cramming in as much crap as we can into everyday life, the clock ticks down and eventually panic sets in because we feel so overwhelmed that things that shouldn't stress us out do anyhow... but still we keep smiling, while feeling the fear.


Suggestions:

As in my last review. my only suggestion is to lengthen it, haha, the hidden gems in this poem are awesome and I think delving into them more deeply would really make this poem stand out even more.


Additional Comments:

Fantastic job, this poem had a "cascading effect" on it that may give you some more inspiration if you ever want to try and expand this (I'm tempted just to see what I can come up with!) Look here http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/cascade.html to see what I mean. Thanks for sharing!


I enjoyed reading your work and hope my review was helpful and encouraging!!!

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