*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3961050
Review #3961050
Viewing a review of:
 Invalid Item  []

by A Guest Visitor
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello Fi ,

I just read your poem "Invalid Item, which I found when searching for Kiwis to review from the forum and wanted to share my personal thoughts with you. Bear with me as I learn how to critique poetry!

Disclaimer: For some, poetry is a very personal experience and any criticism can be taken personally. Please remember that the following suggestions are based off of my own opinion and personal interpretation of your work. Feel free to take and/or toss out any of my suggestions.


*Star**Moon**Star*Overall Impressions:*Star**Moon**Star*

This was a wonderful emotional roller coaster of a poem. I started out feeling a bit upset wondering why he was running, to feeling scared for him, then proud of him. Great poem to honor our veteran's!

*Star**Moon**Star*Form:*Star**Moon**Star*


The form consisted of 18 lines with 3 stanzas with 6 lines each


*Star**Moon**Star*Rhythm:*Star**Moon**Star*


Despite the fact that there's no consistent rhythmic meter that I could notice, it still read out loud very well, I enjoyed the beat my voice went into as I read it. It feels like there's rhythm, so job well done.

*Star**Moon**Star*Rhyme and Rhyme Scheme:*Star**Moon**Star*


Rhyme scheme is as follows:

abbcbb, deedee, fghfgg

Wow I was surprised there was a different rhyme scheme in each stanza. Being a newbie at poetry form etc, I wasn't sure it was "OK" to mix rhyming schemes in a poem. But it worked well and flowed with the story


*Star**Moon**Star*Imagery:*Star**Moon**Star*


As it began in the first stanza, this poem I thought it was a soldier running from battle. We here about it in movies, I was't sure if it ever really happened but I assumed he was frightened by a close grenade or fire near by. The mention of regret made me think he ran instead of standing his ground.

In the second stanza my first thoughts seemed to be emphasized and yet it still sounded like he was running to safety.

The third stanza pulled at my heart strings very strongly as I realized whay he was doing. Tears came to my eyes and it pulled everything together really well.

Great imagery for such a short piece, nicely done.


*Star**Moon**Star*Favorite Parts:*Star**Moon**Star*

As around him the bullets tore,
Unceasing until he was done,
For not for his life did he run;
In his arms a great burden he bore:
A wounded man, not a gun,
And that day humanity won.


The third stanza by far was my favorite, a true hero, to save his fellow soldier.


*Star**Moon**Star*Suggestions:*Star**Moon**Star*

No suggestions you did a great job of pulling me through this poem line by line stanza by stanza.


*Star**Moon**Star*Additional Comments:*Star**Moon**Star*

It amazes me the creativity you come up with and the imagery you can create with so ew words in your poetry. Deep feelings and morals felt through out even when sneakily hidden. Wonderful job!


I enjoyed reading your work and hope my review was helpful and encouraging!!!
*Star**Moon**Star*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/3961050