Hi Maryann

My name is Ken (which I'm sure you know ) and I chose to review your item today as part of my review challenge at the "Invalid Item" . It is my pleasure to both read and comment on your work "My Mother the Star" .

First Impression/Thoughts:
First - Congratulations on writing a winning story. It is an interesting and informative tale of life after World War I which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Creativity/Impact:
Very imaginative, filled with small details that brought out the contrast between then and now. I thought your use of a daughter's view of the world was excellent vehicle and a perfect choice "for fun around Mother's Day."

Message/Theme:
The theme was mother/daughter relationships superimposed on life in the "Roaring 20's." You brought out that mothers are mothers and kids are kids regardless when they lived. Of course, making the protagonists at the higher end of the social scale does color this a bit but that's tempered by using the daughter's P.O.V. Kids tend to be blind to social class.

Technique/Technical Notes:
I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. You are the writer and this is your work, not mine. The most I can do is tell you what I saw and felt as I meandered through your words .

Title - "My Mother the Star" - I thought your title clearly announced what the story was about. The title is the first thing that prospective readers will see and I thought invited the reader in to explore what was in this world of yours. You did incorporate the title into the story content as well which I thought was an excellent use and brought the image into the tale.

Grammar/Wording - I thought the words of the young daughter were appropriate as she discovered the wonders around her. You did refer to the mother as "a silent film star" multiple times which made it a bit repetitive. Consider switching up the descriptions. "An actress on the silent screen" or even a "silent movie thespian" might work .

Form/Flow - This was a well written and easy to read primarily narrative story. I saw no errors, technically. Our protagonist was the daughter of a silent movie star. I wish that you had named her; I think it would have made it easier to make her into a real person and not leave her dangling in the realm of fiction. Of minor note - not affecting the story except for the most discerning reader - there were two places where she came "out of character." You wrote this in the present tense so referring to the time as "our roaring 20's" and the "jazz age," both terms coined by F. Scott Fitzgerald in "The Great Gatsby," wouldn't have been possible. As you pointed out, she hadn't read the book . I felt that in the end, you left us hanging a bit. The mother's run in with the teacher flowed into the final line and didn't really indicate "a life of excitement" as much as previous observations did.

Emotion/Imagery - Great use of description to bring us into the 1920's. Lots of little details (I had to chuckle at the frozen dinners - if only she knew what a bane they would become ) which really gave a realistic flavor to this. Well done. I thought the final paragraph was wonderfully telling of the true "mother" instinct and really added clarity to the daughter's assertion that "she's just like any other mother."

Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
I really enjoyed reading this. Your attention to detail really added to the period feel of this as I accompanied you on this journey of imagination. Thank you for sharing your vision and talent with me today.

Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.

Keep writing! Wishing you all the best,

Ken

You responded to this review 04/27/2014 @ 1:56pm EDT

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