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 Review #3997328 |
 | I Still Love You  [E] Someone died, But they took my heart with them.  |
| (3.5)| A pleasant hour Sasha   Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! A Greetings from the "Invalid Item" I'm a friend here Samberine Everose I stumbled on your piece while visiting your Portfolio, and I'm here giving you a review. I hope I can bring you a smile. Please remember that I‘m not a professional in writing or an expert in reviewing, anything I say here is just only my humble opinion as a reader who just like to read and appreciate the uniqueness of others thru their works. Try to chew and just ignore it, if doesn’t fit to your taste.  WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THE:Title: Every title of a piece is so important, it is the first thing in which a reader have their first glance, so the title should have a magnetic charm that can allure or attract a reader. The title of your piece is so enticing to me, but its just simple. I always find this lines through lyrics in a song so my first impression is a kind of lyrical piece. That's how it enticed me to read it, because I liked lyrics in songs and also in poetry, and I didn't disappointed to have a read on it. Imagery - A well crafted words and when it was properly used can create and stimulate emotions and tone, it can create a vivid picture of imagery to the reader. It can take the reader to the imagination of the creator without any blur of lines or words, to make a subtle flow of the piece. The words you weaved is vivid to me, easy to understand and lyrical in format. I've found it as an expression of emotion. I feel the emotion like longings, pain, sorry, missing and love certainty. Rhyme and Rhythm: One of the most important element of a piece, when it was properly been chosen and properly been used by the words that is intently used can be pleasing to the ear when it read aloud and fun to create, and even line breaks on the part of rhythm can stimulate emotions and will set a perfect of the imagery as it is presented. This is a free verse, and I liked how you made it, It blends with the created emotions.  MY DOUBT AND SUGGESTION :I just have doubt on some lines. This are just only my thought it may varies to others. When we first met I just think there is a missing word here, it didn't satisfy me. I also think - The first time we met. You loved me so much already. The word so much - when I go through the next line. It doesn't link already. You might mean that you love me.- simple but I think its firm. You grew on me. I just don't understanding what you are saying here.- You mean develop, through companionship, friendship..? Or the way you feel so that it will link to the first two lines before this line. How about I already felt you.- simple but its firm. The line Sometimes I'd cry just for you to hug me, Do you mean, so that he would hug you, you must first have to cry? That's the way how I understand it. Or Sometimes I'd cry,then you hug me, So that it will link to the next line And say it's alright. The line Sometimes I still wish you were alive. The thought here is weak Just only sometimes that you are wishing that he still alive How about Sometimes I wish you were still alive. Or if you want to be more certain its thought Don't add the word sometimes. How I should have told you the truth Why you add the word how Do you mean how can a way you told him the truth..? To make it more certain and firm Maybe you can omit some of the words on it. To tell you the truth. Breaking of lines and spacing makes a piece more deeper in meaning and more firm and strong its thought.  MY FINAL REFLECTION :But when you left, You stole my heart And took it with you. This is my favorite part the best way when we truly pour ourselves and emotions to paper is when we are in a deep feeling of something, and you expressed it well here in your piece. Thank you for sharing your piece, I enjoyed reading and reviewing it. Hoping to see again more works of yours in the future. Everyone have its own gift and talent, God made us unique. Its within us, if we want to improve and share. So write on,  and always share this wonderful talent you have. Until next time.   
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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