Happy WDC B-Day!

Some things I Like:

You used some really lovely imagery here, which is to be expected in an Idyll. I particularly like the last line of the first stanza and the "plucking pink posies".

The posies line has the best use of alliteration in the piece, by the way. It is the most effective one for me.

The flow is good. You fell into a nice rhythm. I also love the short final line. When that works, it really works!

Observations & Suggestions:

Some of the alliteration got a bit overbearing for me. Too much of a good thing. In general, the poem has far too much of it for my taste. Regardless, some are better done than others. I mentioned the best of the bunch, and now for the worst of them:

"listening to the lilting lutes of lovelorn Lotharios whilst"

This made me cringe a bit, to be honest. After "lutes", my tongue really did not want to spit out any more L-words. The line doesn't work at all for me. The meaning works well, and I appreciate the assonance too. Still, all those L's!

"I wouldn't got back to the tepid world" -- I love the phrase "tepid world". Awesome! The use of a contraction stuck out like a sore thumb to me though. I wasn't expecting it, and when I finished reading the piece and realized that it was the only one, it bothered me even more. As the first line of a stanza, I think that a contraction isn't ideal. In a poem devoid of conversational language, it doesn't fit. I'd revise.

Overall, I think the piece is nice. It has some really strong moments. In the end, I felt slightly clobbered over the head with alliteration, an issue of personal taste but it does play a large role here. I still enjoyed the piece, but I would have enjoyed it more if you had used that particular technique fewer times. Sometimes less is more, I guess. On a final note, the poem fits the form well.




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .