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Review #4034218
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Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: | (5.0)
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Hi there skdhill
 
I am ♫~ Kenword~♫ Author IconMail Icon, a fellow author on Writing.com (WdC), and I would like to welcome you to this creative site for writers of all levels.

I chose  "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. to read from the Review A Newbie Forum of WdC. I enjoyed reading your poem and I am delighted to discuss your work.
 
My review is based solely on impressions and feelings your poem inspired. While I may suggest some minor revisions, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions in the hopes that they may be a help and an encouragement. Please take what you think is appropriate and disregard the rest.

 
*Coffeer* FIRST IMPRESSION
 
There is so much love in this poem, not obvious through the first impressions, but as the words and images begin to resonate with my father's heart, I felt the selfless charity that can only come through a parent child relationship.
 
*Coffeer* THEME
 
A cherished dress becomes central to the life of a parent who cannot part with so precious a garment that holds the magic of “baby-ness”. Even the atoms that compose the material is now sacred. This is a special and unique notion that communicates so well the feelings of the one who must watch time change everything.
 
*Coffeer* STRUCTURE
 
The poem is written in a free form with an aabb ccdd etc. rhyming scheme that uses an occasional near rhyme, that keeps the unique flavor of your poem enjoyable and a pleasure to read. At the heart of this poem is a dear emphasis with sweet images that leads my focus away from the obvious flow of time to appreciate how you see and experience it.
 
*Coffeer* WHAT I LIKED
 
These are some of the images that were particularly amazing to me:

...—the one she wore,
our bundle rolling ‘round and ‘round on the floor
with her white bear, larger than she— ...


  *Bulletb* *Giftb*  *Bulletb* *Giftb*  *Bulletb* *Giftb*  

...I am categorically un-
able to hand down this dress,
vessel of so many atoms of her baby-ness.


  *Bulletb* *Giftb*  *Bulletb* *Giftb*  *Bulletb* *Giftb*  

does my daily defection betray
an alchemy sore:
a dress more treasured than the child it wore?


  *Bulletb* *Giftb*  *Bulletb* *Giftb*  *Bulletb* *Giftb*  
 
*Coffeer*SUGGESTIONS
 
Every image in your poem is endearing and memorable. I would not suggest changing anything.
 
*Coffeer* EDIT/REVISION
 
I was not aware of any need for edit or revision.
 
*Coffeer* IN SUMMARY
 
Love is expressed in a beautiful dance with a dear garment a child has outgrown. The dress is examined through images that reveal to the heart, not the wonder of science, and in the process I am blessed by the truth that is revealed. Powerful writing! Keep up the great work! *Smile*
 
I hope my thoughts and feelings are a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

~Kenword~ *MugR*
 

Reviewer For Paper Doll Gang


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