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 Review #4034458 |
| A Muse Masters Poetry Contest Review! In affiliation with Muse Masters  Your poem is being reviewed for the "Invalid Item"  IMPORTANT NOTE: editing your item after submission is against the rules of the contest. If you edit your item, particularly after it's been reviewed, it will be disqualified from the contest. If I suggest an improvement and you make that improvement, the rating and judgement I awarded will no longer be valid. If I had to delete a poem from the contest, I would be sad.  So, please do not EDIT your item after judging! Thank you. Greetings inky14dinky Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot. GENERAL: Hey there! I think you have the base of a great poem here. I like free verse acrostics, and this is a good example. The narrator is describing the lies and abuse that is hidden in behind silence, and the tone of this poem is dark and somewhat ominous. The narrator has come to the end of her tether at the hands of an abusive partner, and I like that the ending can be interpreted in multiple ways. Does the narrator wait for death to claim her at the hands of her partner, or does the narrator finally exact revenge on the abuser? There is lots to like about this piece, and I think with a few tweaks, you could really elevate the quality and make it excellent.  CONVENTION: Acrostic poems can have a regimented, dated, and color-by-number feel in certain cases, but I think they're a great form that can really shine. I like the free verse style that you've opted for, but I would suggest doing away with the capitals to begin each line. A reader will recognize the form that you've used, and you also note the form in your subject line. Using capitals at the beginning of a line does break the flow, and you always want to create a piece that is as seamless as possible. You can achieve this by using capitals only where grammatically correct. You've inserted some nice figurative language, including metaphor and hyperbole, and I'll mention these in my favourite lines. SPELLING/GRAMMAR: These areas are great, but I'd only mention the punctuation. This area really impacts upon meaning and clarity, and I'd suggest a few tweaks in this area. Consistency is key. I've given an example of how you can make a difference to the flow with the following excerpt: "The secrets I keep areHidden bruises and broken bones Eyes covered concealing scars." "The secrets I keep arehidden bruises and broken bones. Eyes covered--concealing scars." I'd be happy to give you my opinion on punctuating your entire poem for maximum effect after the contest is over, but it's only for you to decide if you are content with this area or not. My comments are based on my perception, and only you know how you want to express these thoughts. FAVORITE LINE(S): "The secrets I keep areHidden bruises and broken bones" This is a great metaphor, and one that is easy to understand. The narrator names her injuries as secrets, and that's an apt description. With this metaphor, I can visualize the narrator's pain and the abuse she has suffered. Thank you for sharing! Regards, Mandy  Leader of Muse Masters Campfire Creative, Creator of Muse Masters Poetry Contest, Coordinator of The Lucky Leprechaun Raffle, co-founder of Passionate Mindscapes, and proud member of The Art of Criticism, The Traditional Poetry Group, Rising Stars, The Paper Doll Gang, Showering Acts of Joy, and The Poet's Place. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/03/2014 @ 11:42am EDT