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 Review #4034866 |
 Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! Title: The Time Before Author: tmbx Type: Short story  First Impressions: It's always fascinating to imagine different worlds to ours. In your story, it appears to be the world the readers will recognise, only at some point in the future. The reason I was thinking that is that the teacher and the little girl appeared human although they didn't have to be, but I didn't notice any hints that they were not. But time had moved on and the world we live in now is ancient history. The little girl is intrigued by the way things used to be and the teacher keen to tell her about it, although somewhat reluctant because of her age. This made for an interesting scene. The interaction between the two was nicely done. It didn't matter if they were human or what time they lived in, they seemed familiar and their conversation was realistic; I could imagine the six-year-old standing with her arms crossed, quizzing her teacher in search for knowledge.  Suggestions: which would most likely be the case, even though it was rare To me, that seems like a contradiction. If it was rare, why would it be likely to happen? I assume there was a reason for that statement but it didn't seem clear. "Because I aspire to be a Matriarch." The young girl said. Most of the dialogue is written without tags (which is fine, it was always clear who was speaking so you didn't need the tags) but here, the dialogue tag should follow a comma before the closing speech marks and it should begin with a lower case letter as it is part of the same sentence. "...Matriarch,” the young girl..." I wasn't sure about the twist you added in the last paragraph. Unless I missed something, it seemed unnecessary to this tale to add the fact that Alcorra could reverse time. The teacher could have taught her at any time, and unless there was a specific reference to something that happened three hours before this conversation, it seemed redundant to add this detail. As an aside though, it was a fascinating idea and it was almost sold a little short here. It has potential and deserved more than one paragraph at the end of an otherwise unrelated story. You could take that idea and build a whole different story around it. It just didn't seem to fit here.  Final Thoughts: The story was well written and flowed logically, even through the thoughts of the little girl who did indeed seem wise beyond her years. There were some questions you didn't answer and perhaps a little more explanation might have been useful - for example, why was it so difficult to find books? It was thought provoking and important enough to mention but you didn't explore it further. I think if you wanted to, you could expand on that a little which would make the story feel a little more complete.   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/04/2014 @ 4:12pm EDT