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Review #4036197
Viewing a review of:
 here there be dragons Open in new Window. [13+]
a decuain--I think of my muse as a dragon pushing me into more than I think I can do
by Rhyssa Author Icon
Review by Cobe Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
This is a neat poem form and new to me. I'm reviewing this as part of the Sr Mod Birthday Challenge.

I like the idea behind this of slipping away and finding a dragon. Your word choices have captured a mystical quality.

You've done a good job with following the form of a Decuain - 10 lines, 10 syllables each, and you've used a "ababbcbcaa" rhyme scheme.

A few phrases struck me as odd and didn't flow as well as they might with a little tweaking:
- "slipped beyond my sight" ... I'm not even sure what this means. Maybe "slipped beyond all sight" or "slipped past mortal sight" ??
- "and felt that touching" ... what did this fell like? Maybe "its rippling warmth" or "and it firm strength altered"??
- "to see with a new light" ... this struck me as somewhat cliche. Maybe "to see with dragon sight"??

I loved these lines:
"my musings filled with dragons in the snow"
"a dragon with his fire aglow"
"and words that echo dreams of dragon flight"

Nice poem!
Cobe Author IconMail Icon

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