Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

Overall impression: The supernatural tone of story is enhanced by the confusion of the main character and the detailed descriptions. The story starts off in first person then switches to third person. I don't see that it is necessary to use that.

Characterization: Winston tells the story. More details of his character would be good. I got that he was a soldier and his mother was dead. His confusion comes through loud and clear. His account is detailed and interesting.

Dialogue: Good dialogue that advances the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes ▼



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