Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

Overall impression: This is an interesting first chapter. I like the descriptive details which add texture to the story. The characters are defined clearly from one another. The style is easy to read.

Characterization: An unidentified narrator tells the story. Peter, June, and Una are the characters. Their interactions make for an interesting story.

Dialogue: I like the dialogue, and it advances the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes ▼



When you have a chance stop by "Invalid Item"  Then write a story and enter for a chance to win. Thanks, on behalf of pinkbarbie and Paul.

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .