Please remember that the following comments and observations are only my opinions. Take what you can use, but never be shy about discarding what you cannot.

Overall impression: This story has a mysterious feel to it. There is a supernatural element. The style is easy to read. I like the details of the story. This first chapter works well to set the mood and introduce the character.

Characterization: Delilah tells the story. Her account bring the reader into the story. Bringing in more emotion would be good for how she feels about what is happening.

Dialogue: Dialogue is good and helps to advance the story.

Area(s) for improvement: I have some suggestions. notes ▼



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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .