Hello ellenp,

I found your sports report "The Bills and Bears Battle It Out."  on the "review a newbie" link and thought it was an enjoyable read.

I don't pretend to be an English major or an expert in grammar. You don't have to agree with anything I am saying, I'm simply offering my humble opinion concerning your work. I hope you find this feedback useful

Overall Impression:
I thought your piece was well written relative to the fact in was written as a game summary, not in the format of a story. Having read many game summaries before because I missed games, yours had all the element that go into a thorough summary (scoring summaries, stats, game synopsis). Not having seen any TV yesterday, your summary painted an excellent picture of what transpired in Chicago, and in spite of not seeing the game, painted for me a clear picture of what happened on the grid iron.

Grammar and Mechanics:
I did find two minor errors in your writing I want to point out.

...30 seconds to go in the quarter to pushed the game into overtime.
I believe pushed should be push

Buffalo are facing their rivals, the Miami Dolphins.
I believe are should be changed to is

I saw no other problems with your writing mechanics or grammar

Suggestions:
The only suggestion I have is to keep putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) You are very talented as a sports analyst and I look forward to reading/reviewing more of your work.

I also see you are new to WDC and want to welcome you

Thank you for sharing your story.

I welcome you to visit my portfolio and offer a review on any piece that may interest you

Rozebud

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .