Hi Siobhan Falen .
My name is Carly and I am doing this review on behalf of .
I have just read your entry to the Writer's Cramp contest "Invalid Item" , which I found when perusing the selection of Writer's Cramp entries for Birthday week and wanted to share my thoughts with you. Please keep in mind this is only my opinion so feel free to use or disregard any advise I give. Remember this piece is ultimately your own.


Overall Impressions:
I got a good chuckle out of this piece. It pulled me in right from the first line. An excellent little story. You did a wonderful job within the 1000 word limit.


Characters:
Alyssa and Melanie are friends looking for items to wear to a winter themed party in August in Arizona. Their personalities are well crafted and they are distinct - one cynical and the the other up for fun.
Derek - their friend throwing the party. He claims to be a warlock and he creates the snow to fall.


Setting:
Two settings are depicted.
The first is the store where we are introduced to the two girls and find out what they are doing and why. It is well paced and draws you in.
The second is Derek's house. You use your senses to pull the scene alive and authentic. Excellent.

Plot: [Enter text here]
The plot is well paced. It draws you in with intrigue and whet your appetite with curiosity. The personalities of the two girls balance nicely and you are game to follow along to the party.


Favourite Part:
I love the sensory aspects of the food and drinks. I want some cider and hot chocolate. I can feel the atmosphere within the house. I can even see those flakes falling when everyone goes to see the snow out the window.
A great twist on a warlock being good and fanciful - wanting snow in August. No real harm done.
Loved the ending - fun. "ask him to reserve a few snow days"


Suggestions:
One thing I did not notice was the word count in your story... unless you added it in your post when you posted it. I am not sure but I think it is a requirement. I would hate that you miss out on a potential win because of leaving a small detail out. I checked back and it was there. Sorry. I tend to over post those crazy details just to make sure.

I see no issues in spelling or grammar. Well done.


Additional Comments:
I thought your story was well crafted and I enjoyed the fun of it. Too bad it did not win, but I would say keep at it. Build confidence in the fact that you crafted a good story... and you will do it again. I look forward to reading more.


I enjoyed reading your work. Thank you for sharing it. I hope my review was helpful and encouraging!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .