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![]() ![]() ![]() Hello Author Ed Anderson ![]() ![]() I found your story "Invalid Item" ![]() I don't pretend to be an English major or an expert in grammar. You don't have to agree with anything I am saying, I'm simply offering my humble opinion concerning your work. I hope you find this feedback useful ![]() Overall Impression: I thought your story was an enjoyable read and with all the reality TV on these days, the plot grabbed me from the start. Erica had paid a huge price to be a contestant on this show, and her future really depended on her picking the right box. Your writing captured my interest and I found myself cheering her on by the end of the story, she HAD TO WIN ![]() ![]() Grammar and Mechanics: There were only two things that I picked up on that you may want to look at. In the third paragraph, you wrote: "‘Is It Worth It?’ was a reality/game show that pit contestants against one ...." I think the word pit should be plural, or "pits" In the forth paragraph you wrote: The news was not ( ) by her boss with as much enthusiasm, I think you want to add the word received between the words not and by The news was not received by her boss with as much enthusiasm, I saw no other problems with your writing mechanics or grammar ![]() Suggestions: The only thing I found that I might suggest is more background information between Erica, Spencer Pratt, and Tom. Erica could not stand being in the same space as Spencer, but we never find out what the issue with him was. I want to know why Tom sacrificed himself to keep Erica on the show. Who would give up the chance at 50 million dollars just so someone else could stay. It makes me wonder what was going on there. The only other suggestion I have is to keep putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) ![]() Thank you for sharing your story. I welcome you to visit my portfolio and offer a review on any piece that may interest you ![]() Rozebud ![]() ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ![]() ![]()
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