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Hi there Ayla N Shakir , 
 
I am ♫~ Kenword~♫ , a fellow author on Writing.com (WdC), and I would like to welcome you to this creative site for writers of all levels.

I chose  "The 3 Amazing Merpeople "  to read from the Random Review Forum of WdC. I enjoyed reading your item and I am delighted to discuss your work.
 
My review is based solely on impressions and feelings your Chapter inspired. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions in the hopes that they may help and encourage. Please take what you think is appropriate and disregard the rest.
 
 FIRST IMPRESSION
 
Three merpeople, Quizzy, Blossom and Meg discuss the possibility of going diving. Since Quizzy is booked into parties, the possibility of the three friends enjoying a dive together does not seem likely.
 
 THEME
 
The story is part of a larger work that is developing. The main theme at this point in the story is joining in on a hang-out-session with Meg and Blossom, while they wait for their friend Quizzy to join them in a dive.
 
 STRUCTURE
 
This chapter is contained in three paragraphs, though it seemed that it could have used one or two more paragraphs. This is especially true in the sections that need breaks for clarification as to which person is speaking.
 
 WHAT I LIKED
 
The dialogue was well done and the interaction of the friends was a nice read for me:

"I also have to stay and help clean and get ready so that's the only time I'm available. I hope that isn't a problem girls because I'm also booked the rest of the week," he said sadly.

           

"No, no, it just that my curfew is at 9:45," said Blossom.

"Mine is 9:30," said Meg.

"Do you think your parents can cut you guys some slack just for today?" asked Quizy.

           
 
SUGGESTIONS
 
I had a lot of fun reading the dialogue between Meg, Blossom and Quizzy. Because your story hinges so much on their dialogue there is a lot of room in this chapter for additional elements, like scene setting, description of the characters, actions that they may be engaged in while talking. All of these are necessary components that will bring your reader more fully into the story. And even though this is your first chapter it would probably be a good idea to give your reader a hint of what plot we may expect to see develop in the future.
 
 EDIT/REVISION
 
In the section "WHAT I LIKED", I took the liberty of adding correct punctuation to the lines I quoted. You will note all of the dialogue I quoted I added quotation marks, commas and proper capitalization. I would recommend that you go through your story and make similar corrections to all of the story. Please let me know if you need additional assistance with this process.
 
 IN SUMMARY
 
Quizzy, Blossom and Meg are anxious to get to a place in their schedules where they can make a dive together. There are intricate reasons why their mission is not developing, but Meg and Blossom are determined to make the best of the situation. It is probable that more developments are in the works! I look forward to reading more!
 
I hope my thoughts and feelings are a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
 
Kind Regards,

~Kenword~
 







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .