Piece Reviewed - "Invalid Item" 

Hey kiahpapaya. I stumbled across this piece of yours while looking for random review items.Please note that this review represents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.


Loneliness is a strange thing and human mind dwells in many things to fight this loneliness. Your story tells us about Kara who feels lonely and like a stranger in a different city. In one of this "loneliness syndrome" episode, she picks up a random person from dating site and goes to meet them. It's the story about the realization of her actions, an acceptance of the fact that she's not suited for this life, yet she love this life.



Kara is the major character here. Very rarely it happens that I come across a character which penetrates my mind. Your Kara does, and she'll stay in my mind for very long. She's vulnerable and so utterly alone that she starts trying to find companionship in strangers. She is simple and vulnerable, yet she enjoy experiencing the life "at least once".


The story is set in Vancouver. Although you haven't shown the city and its labyrinth, you introduced us to the spirit of the city. The way people are so engrossed in each other, the skyscrapers with 28 and 18 storeys, the place where people can go out at night in taxis-- all showed me Vancouver.


Simply fabulous descriptions. You weaved the description of feelings so nicely in the story that I felt like Kara for instant.


I found the story quite well-edited, but I do have some suggestions
1) The chronology of the story was initially confusing to me. As you've written whole story in simple past tense, there were instances which left me confused as what was happening when, although the story became fine on second read. (Like when you talked about her finding a date through app, or when you tried to compare her reality and imagination).

2) It's a personal choice, but I don't like "seeing-in-the-mirror" visuals but I think this is more of a personal choice

3) The taxi awaited in front of the house, the driver likely perplexed at the lack of answer when he called and perhaps wondering if this fare would make an appearance so early in the morning.

4) "I'm visiting some friends," she replied. Family trouble at home brought her to suddenly buy a one-way plane ticket to go halfway across the country. Regrettably, once a month had gone by she was already beginning to worry about money. Without a job, it was time to return home with the last of the money she had saved. I found this stanza quite confusing. I think this needs a bit of cleaning up. Otherwise it is so random.


I cannot tell you exactly what I loved about the story. I think it was the whole package of the story in itself and the character of Kara. She echoes so many of us that she is memorable.

I didn't like the beginning as it felt like repetition of she did this, she did that.


You're an amazing storyteller. I see so many people doing similar things in order to escape the feeling of loneliness. The story captures it well.

Thank you for sharing it.

Welcome once again, and keep writing!

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .