This is a good start to a short story or a novel. There is good dialogue between your characters. Many areas need some work mostly on the editing and the structure of your story. This an easy fix. Each time a character speaks a new paragraph should begin and it is a good idea if you indent or have a space between paragraphs. The best way for you to learn about story structure is to read a novel and look at their set up for the paragraphs and their dialogue setup. There is also lots of good talent here on WDC and you can read stories on this site. The description of what your story is supposed to be about did not match the actual story which I am hoping there is more to come. Write on!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .