This a pretty good chapter. I like the description of the outfit of your main character. It felt like there was something missing in the story when the main character blacked out. There did not seem to be a whole here except descriptions which were done very well and a brief interaction with the main character and the guy she was waiting for. Maybe instead of summarizing that there was a conversation actually write the conversation when the main character was talking to the guy she liked. After your main character woke I feel like you lacked in expressing emotion about being left behind. These are just some suggestions I have to make your writing better. Write on! Welcome to WDC.





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .