Author:minniemouse
Reviewer:Cobe

Hi! I'm here to give you a review in affiliation with "RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group"  as part of a challenge for "a very Wodehouse challenge" . I found your piece on the "read a newbie" page and picked it out because this character contest sounds interesting to me.

In General: Evie sounds like an interesting character to write about. I like that you haven't just made a list of characteristics about her, but rather have shown us who she is through her interactions with other characters. We also have a sense of her emotional state.

Voice: 1st person - you've stayed in the voice well and kept the reader inside Evie's thoughts.

Setting: Well she starts out in a school but then moves to other places. I'd like to see a few more details about setting here to help the reader understand where she is and how she reacts to her surroundings. For example: If she were to bang her head against a locker, the reader might assume that she was somewhat self-harming which would either make them more sympathetic towards her or repulsed by her, or if she was to hide in the girls room and smoke a cigarette the reader might see her as a rebel and identify with her that way. (Doesn't everyone love a good rebel. )

Flow: This is a bit of an issue for me because it jumps from one scene to the next without any real transition or notice. By the end I'm wondering what's happened that she's now in a care home instead of at her house with her mom and dad and two siblings. Plus the middle section, while it refers back to the conversation in the beginning, doesn't seem to transition to either the first part or the last part. Honestly, in this short of a piece, you might want to stick with just one scene and let the other bits filter in through conversation or the thoughts in her head. Just a suggestion.

Overall: Evie seems like an interesting character that I'd read more about. Thanks for sharing!

Happy Writing!! And welcome to WDC!

Cobe

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .