Hello there, Newbie!
This is a Simply positive Review.

This is evidently a work in progress and there is much more to the story whereby the reader will find out about the mysterious jewel. It looks like there will be an interesting story as it begins to unfold. I only have this introduction to work with now so that's what I will do.

Observations:

"After they had sat down and put the milk and eggs away, they talked together many of a time." [many times? OR about times past or talked together for a long time] It's just not clear what you are wanting the reader to understand right here.

"Because of her feelings." This is placed awkwardly as a response to the readers. It is a fragment, and in this case needs a way to distinguish itself from the previous sentence that was a question.

Perhaps say, "The answer to that question can be found deep within her emotions." You get the idea, it needs a little more filling-in to make it a complete thought.

You should write out the numbers rather than keep them as numerals. It will be less distracting, especially since they are small numbers and easy to write out.

I think with a little more character and plot development, you will have a fine story!

Until next time--write on!

Regards,
WebWitch



"SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" 


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .