Hi, S Ferguson~ Prepping for Prep ,

Today I am reviewing "Invalid Item"  as part of the contest

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I Write in December-January-February  (E) Write and review once a week for the three coldest months of the year. #1906302 by Annette

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Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your story. Whatever another person says (especially me) whether positive or negative, is just their opinion. You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.


Title: The title fits the story, as The End relates to what happens to the character in the book as well as the person reading the book.

General impressions: I enjoyed the story. It's a well-written flash piece, and your scene does exactly what it needs to do. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. There is an actual story that happens here, and it is not just a clumping together of random elements. You give us a resolution, and your character learns a life lesson to boot.

Favourite part: The fact that you have a complete story here and not just a disjointed scene. It's easy to write a flash piece that is part of a larger world, but it's much harder to write a contained story.

Favourite quotes: In a flash piece like this, it's not easy to pick a favourite quote, but I do try to pick one. For this story I have to go with "Needless to say, that was the last time I read the ending first." Knowing how anything ends (a book, a film, a play, a murder mystery) ruins the journey for the reader/viewer.

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation: On the whole, you have done a good job. There were a few things I noticed while reading (most of which are simply word confusions), but they are things you will be able to pick up yourself if you do a couple of full read-throughs before posting your work.

Line by line suggestions: These are included in the dropnote below. Your original work is in black, specific suggestions are in indigo, and additional notes/explanations for the change are in orange.

Line by line suggestions ▼

I don't judge a book by it's cover
I don't judge a book by its cover
"It's" is the abbreviation of "it is". "Its" is the possessive of "it". I know this runs contrary to everything we learnt in school, that you add 's at the end of something to form the possessive, but this is the only exception to that rule.
"Possessive" is the term that describes the word we use to indicate that an object belongs to someone (the possessives in this example are bold) - Jill's book, Ben's shoes, Mum's glasses, its cover.

I did what I always do and grabbed a book called "Over the Edge"
I did what I always do and grabbed a book at random; this time it was one called "Over the Edge"
I doubt your character always grabs a book called "Over The Edge". Your character may always grab a book, but chances are it will always be a different book.

For whatever reason I sincerely hesitated
For whatever reason I hesitated
You want to avoid using these "ly" adverbs where you can, as most times they don't add anything to the description. It makes no difference if your character briefly hesitated, momentarily hesitated or temporarily hesitated; she hesitated. Adding the "ly" adverb doesn't tell us anything beyond the fact she hesitated - briefly, momentarily, and temporarily, aren't quantifiable (each reader will interpret your "ly" adverb however they want to, and not how you want them to).

once more the the ledge
once more on the ledge
Word repetition and missing word

Where is the intrigue as your furiously reading page by page
Where is the intrigue as you're furiously reading page by page
"You're" is the abbreviation for "you are". "Your" is the possessive of "you".

I walked calmly to a computer
At this stage, I don't get the impression your character is calm. I get the impression that she is agitated, and she has certainly been thrown by the ending of the book. I'm just not sure she'd be doing this calmly.

Was their a sequel?
Was there a sequel?
There is used when naming a place, a thing, or the existence of something. Their is used to indicate possession. The easy way to check that you have used the correct word is to replace "there" with "here" and "their" with "our" - if your sentence still makes sense then you have used the right word, if your sentence does not make sense then you have used the wrong word.

Closing remarks: Once again this was an enjoyable read and congratulations on writing a contained flash piece. You just need to read your work a few times prior to posting so that you can pick up those niggly little grammar and spelling gremlins. I read through my stuff at least three times once it's finished before posting it, and the occasional thing still slips through.

Thanks for sharing this item! Please keep on writing and best of luck with the contest!

Andy~hating university
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .