Hello Stephanie,

I am reviewing your short story as part of the I Write 13 week challenge.



1. The title fits the story nicely as the butterfly is the main character.



2. Syntax
I did find a few minor errors. Other than those, spelling, punctuation, and grammar are correct. Those minor instances are:
1. In line 3, you have " crickets start to chip" chip should read chirp.
2. In paragraph 5 you have " when scurrying to the edge" when should read went.
3. In paragraph 6 you have "would be a good day no," should have a comma after day, and a semi colon after no.
4. In the following line:

" I looked around, there was no one else close by, but I did see sparkling off in the distance."

The last part of the sentence seems forced, or like it's missing something. I would suggest something like: but I did see something sparkling off in the distance.
5. In the paragraph beginning with "If you flutter your wings" you have a sentence

"For the first time I notices my wings behind me."

notices should be noticed.
6. In the paragraph beginning with "I did what she said" you have a sentence

"I get to fly! I giggled myself,"

this should read: giggled to myself. Like I said, all minor problems.



3. Plot and Hook
I really can't say that there is a plot...or a hook. This reads more like a narrative than a story in most places. The only part that felt like a story was when the person woke up in "Summerwell" as a butterfly. The problem was, we didn't get enough of that part of the story. I wonder...what did the new butterfly think of the nuances of the breeze? Do all flowers smell the same to a butterfly, or can a butterfly smell a rose from a hundred yards away while it's in the middle of a patch of daffodils? Does the nectar of every flower taste the same? There are so many things to use as part of the story.



4. What I Like
I like the way the author transitions from the real to the fantasy. The switch was made smoothly so that it felt as if it were a natural occurrence. Good job.



Over all, this is a nice story. It could be tightened some to make it stronger, but you have a good strong foundation to build on. You can turn this into a very nice Fantasy story with a little work. Remember, these are simply my observations and suggestions, use them or lose them as you see fit. Whatever you do...Keep on Writing!




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .