Dear Jenn,

I read your story over a couple of instances, but I feel I have a sense of it. Generally I would say it is well written and though I found a few places where I found the wording tricky, forcing me to go back and reread to get it right, I believe that is due to my reading and not any flaw in your writing. I mention it because I know it is a weakness of my own. I do love long convoluted sentences. (at least I love to write them.)

My second observation is really another observation from my own experience. You spent ample time building your story at the beginning only to be rushed at the end, in my opinion. In my opinion you ran out of words at the end of your story and had to wrap it up too quickly. Again, this is only my opinion, and a frustration with which I've dealt as I try to write short fiction. Sometimes I wonder if I might not have more success to write the ending first. I may try that strategy in the future.

Another observation is something of an extention of the second. It seemed to me that the Morgan character, someone who, for thousands of years, has been trying to remove the curse from the lovers is not properly established. It is a critical part of the resolution, but seems to me, to come out of nowhere. I know the first paragraph mentions the Mage, but I don't understand the mechanism that allowed the magician to follow them through time much less the motivation.

Lastly, I was not convinced of love, Matrim seems a bit like a drunk abuser, not a love that spans centuries. She, Gwen, can accuse him of drunkeness, if he is obviously sincere, but sincerely drunk... well maybe drunk and sincere is better, but either way I think it cheapens his commitment.

Overall an interesting story that is well written. In my opinion some work developing and sharpening the motivations and the mechanism that leads to Morgan breaking the curse in the present day might help. Also, if you look at the story as a whole and now that there are no length restrictions, perhaps some work on pacing can make the vision you present even more compelling.

I hope this helps,

LSO