Greetings! I'm just stopping by with a review for you. Please remember that these are only one person's opinions and you, as author, always have the final say.

Overall, I really liked this story. It's amusing. And I especially like the twist at the end! Poor Larry and Fern. lol. Although Larry deserves it if he is cheating on his wife. Shame on him. Haha, either way- good job! I have a few suggestions for you that you are welcome to take or leave.

One of the things I noticed about this piece is every line of dialogue is attached to a dialogue tag. This is, at times, superfluous. Most of the time the emotions are already expressed in the surrounding description and the dialogue helps cement them. The dialogue tags could be dropped entirely in a number of places, or they could be edited to simply "he said" or "she said".

"Get a load of that!" he said in a conspiratorial whisper. This line could be made stronger by saying "he whispered" instead of "he said in a whisper".

"Holy crap!" Chuck exclaimed... "I love this song!" she exclaimed...Using the exclamation point, using "exclaimed" is redundant.

...raising a sarcastic eyebrow. I understand what is being said here, but immediately I thought "how can an eyebrow be sarcastic?" I suggest trying a different way to get the message across.

"I'm having such a really ... great time!" she continued and paused for a long moment. Again, I know what is being conveyed here, however, it feels kind of awkward to put "she continued and paused" together. Try breaking them up, or taking out the continued bit. It's kind of evident that she trailed off because of the ellipses.

Larry let out a nervous laugh. "We're not a couple," he said stiffly. "For god's sake, Cass, I'm married!" He shifted uneasily in his chair, his eyes darting about the room. This paragraph could be cleaned up a little by shifting the last sentence and making it the second one. I would also suggest taking out the dialogue tag ("he said stiffly"). It is obvious that the conversation is making him uncomfortable without sticking that in there.

These are the biggest moments that stood out to me. I really enjoyed the story and the characters. I personally think the story would be better off without so many dialogue tags, but that is really the only thing that was distracting about this piece. I liked it and I hope to see more of your works in the future!

I hope my critique is helpful in some way. Keep up the great work!

Mynt

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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .