Hey Monty,

Found myself wandering through your port today. I loved your letter to yourself 2015. A great concept, I should do something similar. Anyhoo, I'm here on this piece for a review, so lets have a looksee. Remember, all my comments are just my opinion. Take from them what you will.


Technicalities & Observations

"Are you for real going to start another book at ten o'clock at night?

I always like to look at the first lines in stories, see if it is doing its job. Based on the title of the story, this opening clearly shows we're straight into the crux of the issue. I'm a big fan of opening with dialogue too. Somehow it seems to work well for sucking the reader in.

"Oh posh!"

Posh struck me as a bit of a weird word. Probably just a nationality thing. I've heard of pish-posh, maybe it works as a shortened version of that. Personally I think something more direct, like 'sush' might work well.

I blinked as my eyes adjusted to the world around me. The boring one. The one where I'm just mom and wife and nothing exciting ever happens to me.

Lovely phrasing here - half imagined myself blinking out of reading the story, to find myself in the boring office at work, with my lunch hour rapidly disappearing.

The look on his face was unreadable, so I shrugged and turned back to my book, which was totally readable.

Love it.

I decided.

Last two words - I just think it's a little stronger to finish without them.

Characters / Dialogue

I shivered in anticipation.
I nibbled the bottom of my lip

Lovely little moments of characterisation that really brings this piece alive.

"I don't know why I put up with this!" he practically screamed.
Austin threw his hands into the air and screamed.

I know it's said that he's somewhat of a drama queen, but it sometimes felt over the top with the screaming. Weary sighs, dramatic shouts, loaded ultimatums perhaps.

You guys made it back!" I giggled

The giggle didn't feel right here. I think I know the sort of laugh you mean. The inadvertent giggle that escapes through streaming tears. It's a bit too much of a traumatic moment for a simple giggle on its own.

Summary

A most entertaining and enjoyable story to provoke a smile on this otherwise busy Friday at work. She really is incorrigible, and is instantly relatable to pretty much any member of this site I'm sure. I know I've found myself staring unexpectedly at a few dawns in my time.

I thought the introduction of the wolf brilliantly done. So matter-of-fact. I was suspicious at the FBI, but it wasn't until the sexy vampire I actually knew what was going on. Fun fun.

Happy Writing



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .