Greetings, Hanna ! Thank you for submitting your entry in the "Writing 4 Kids" .

I can imagine a child, anxious for the return of his or her parents before the storm begins. I could also feel his/her relief when they did arrive home and then it began. Most children feel much safer with their parents present.

I have a few suggestions listed below. My reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works, and leave the rest.

A thunder in the 3rd stanza, 3rd line, didn't set quite right as I don't think of thunder as being singular. But I also know English is not your first language and I thought you did rather well writing this!

The tense change at the end bothers me just a little, as your present tense turns past with your last word, as the storm begins. It works, as far as meter and rhyme, however, so I understand why you did it this way.

Your aabb rhyme is perfect, and your seven meter lines are pretty consistent. At first it felt a bit robotic with the 7/7/7/7 lines, but after reading it a second time, I realize this helped bring tension to the piece; for instance, the child anxiously waiting for the parents to return. I could feel the apprehension of the storm. And the weather waiting, as if in pause, for the parents to come home before it raged.

Favorite lines...

The rain has not stopped all day,
Everything in sight looks grey.
[The perfect dreary looking day!]

Nice work!

Have a great day and
K e e p on W r i t i n g !

Cubby ")


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .