Greetings, kedwards48! Thank you for submitting your entry in the "Writing 4 Kids" .

There's nothing like a kitty to make kids happy! This is a simple little story of frightened children and their mom, all making the best out of a thunderstorm. And toward the end, a kitten arrives in the story, clinging to the screen outside the window, wanting to take shelter from the storm. Stormy fits in perfectly.

I have a few suggestions listed below. My reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works, and leave the rest.

You may want to delete a few unnecessary words here and there in your story. By doing this, it will tighten things up a bit. For example, off of could just be off. Also, you begin your story in present tense and then switch to past tense. It would probably be easiest to make it all past tense. You'll also want to go through and check your punctuation. There are a few places you'll want to redo. Like in the last paragraph: "I guess not all storms are scary." She said. Replace the first period with a comma and uncap the S in She. Also, reread that first sentence in the same paragraph: The lights came back on and Sarah took Stormy went back to bed. You might want to add the word and after "Stormy."

There's nothing like a thunderstorm to bring the family together, with a kitty for a bonus! It's easy to see you have a soft heart!

Favorite lines...

         They started singing Rain, Rain, Go Away and about that time the lights went out. Mom was prepared for that though, she had a flashlight. They all made shadow animals while waiting for the lights to come back on.
[Love the visual here! ]

Have a great day and
K e e p on W r i t i n g !

Cubby ")


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .