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 Review #4136181 |
 | Darkness be my friend  [E] I don't really write poetry so feedback would be great!  |
| (4.0)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !Poet : sara Poem : "Darkness be my friend "  Subject Your poem is about your relationship with darkness. You want it in your life because everything else has abandoned you in a time of need. You mention that darkness reminds you of failures, but you'd much rather put up with it than being alone. Your friends may have left you, but darkness hopefully will never leave your side. I'm going through a really rough time since my best friend's left me, not intentionally, but it still hurts. Your poem was relatable on so many respects because this is exactly how I feel right now - welcome to the dark side. While I know I should encourage you that life gets better, right now I feel it's probably the best company to keep.  Imagery Your poem explained what you were going through - almost like a letter to darkness. I feel it could do a little more in this aspect - darkness is quite a common theme so most of us expect vivid imagery in this genre of poetry. We expect fear, emotion, desperation - anything you feel, you've got to make your readers feel. Your poem told me what you had experienced, but not exactly what you felt. Does that make sense?  Maybe you could expand the poem to show what darkness is in your mind, since we all have different definitions of it.Form Poetic prose Rhyme - No rhyme scheme Poetic devices - Alliteration and assonance (you can use comparisons to bring out your imagery) Flow and coherence -   Style of writing Narrative, simple and easy to understand  Errors/Typos when your there - I think you mean when you're there thats what I think - Please consider that's what... When your gone - Try When you're gone Favourite part "When you're gone I'll be alone, the irony of that is wrong" True. Sad but true.   Final thoughts Your poem was dark in a way I didn't expect - it told me what was happening in your life. You've addressed this verse to darkness itself and extended an invitation - I found that creative. Thank you for sharing and welcome to WDC. Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 07/16/2015 @ 1:01am EDT