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 Review #4136277 |
| (5.0)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !Author : pamela Story : "Deception"  Story Your story is about a woman who visits her father in prison. She says she needs to get rid of her partner permanently because she suspects that he's having an affair or simply because he didn't take care of her well enough. She's asked to wait for her assassin and given a specific set of items by which to recognise him. Three days later when he finally comes to meet her, she finally finds out what her husband's job is. He's trained to kill and his client has become his new target. Pamela, I have no words to describe what I felt after reading this. This is my favourite style of fiction - short stories, dead serious, with a really good twist at the end. Have you considered entering The Twisted Tales Contest - I'm sure you'll do well there. Despite the subtle pointers you threw in there, that ending threw me off and I had to read it once again, just to see how many bread crumbs you dropped  Overall, your plot development was very good and the twist was well executed. Characters This is the problem with couples - they just don't talk these days  That woman should've just asked her hubby about what he was up to or perhaps followed him - that would've elicited a harsh response if she got caught, but surely not as much as ordering to get him killed. I like your antagonist - in my own twisted way, I found him a lot more likeable than his wife. Surely he was trying to protect her and no matter what she suspected (an affair or otherwise) she shouldn't have tried to kill him. Twisted karma? Oh yeah  Descriptions and dialogue Your story is sufficient on this front for a short piece - if in the future you want to expand this, add more descriptions about the settings and such. You're like me in this respect - where twisted stories are concerned we tend to neglect the surroundings and focus on the plot. There's nothing wrong with only hinting at the background but if ever your muses feel you need to revise this, hit that department.  Style of writing POV - Third person Tense - Past Engaging, plot centered and easy to understand.  Errors/Typos "I've no idea dad and he's not going to be telling me.” - This line stops the good flow you had going. Consider "I've no idea, dad, and he won't tell me.” There were some issues with punctuation - just typos but quite a few stood out where quotation marks ("...") were concerned. Please proofread once to correct for this. (Do feel free to mail me if you need help.) Favourite part The ending  It was too good for words. Final thoughts Your piece was probably the best I've read today - I loved everything about it from the characterisation to the twisted what-comes-around-goes-around theme. Perhaps I shouldn't be saying this, but there's an important lesson to be taken away here - Talk to your hubby before you try to kill him Your piece was an enjoyable read, thank you for sharing Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 07/11/2015 @ 4:38am EDT