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 Review #4136303 |
The Accident  [E] This is still a work in progress....  |
| (4.0)  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !Author : Kim Story : "The Accident"  Story Your story is about a woman who is rushed to the hospital by her friend. She's not told where they were going or what was the reason. Once at the hospital, she sees the family of the man she liked, mourning what happened to him. He seemed to be in an accident of some sort and he's suffered from extensive injuries. Although their relationship is complicated, the protagonist feels shaken and sad beyond the point of consolation. Despite her own emotions, she knows she has to toughen up and meet the man's family. Your story is a work in progress and I believe this is a good start. It made me ask a lot of questions, so that's a good thing. Hopefully, these are some I'd need answered as a reader when you expand it : why was their relationship complicated and would he recover? I like that you've started this on mild suspense then gone on to some action then drama - a mix of genres is a good way to keep your readers interested.  Characters The girl seems like the brave one - despite everything she feels, she still has a level head and she knows what to do, which is more than I can say for many of us when put in the same situation. Her character clearly showed love for the protagonist whether or not you intended it to - this scene told me that she had deep feelings for him no matter what the status of their relationship was. Are you sure you want to reveal your character's affection this early on in your work? Most romance writers wait a while to get the momentum of the plot going before they reveal the main character's emotions. Descriptions and dialogue I feel you could use a little more in this department - more show would certainly help. Your piece thus far focused mainly on what was happening and what she was doing rather than the setting and descriptions. For this genre, show matters almost as much as the plot, so please consider showing us more - descriptive passages that immerse the reader in your work are necessary to make the story move forward in a believable and good pace.  Style of writing POV - First person Tense - Past Narrative, simple and easy to understand  Errors/Typos Whats going on - Please consider what's going on without having to be told - I think you mean without needing to be told Susan & Sam - Occasionally, it's a good idea to use the symbol instead of the word. But if you want to sound professional, I'd suggest going the long way and using words. Favourite part The main character's determination   Final thoughts This is a good start to your story - I'd love to see where you take me with this and how the accident is going to affect both protagonists' lives. I enjoyed reading this piece, thank you for sharing and welcome to WDC  Good luck with your writing and have a great day! -TG  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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