Hi Lornda ,

I just finished reading your story which I found in your portfolio, "Invalid Item"  and I would like to offer you the following review. Please note that this review is a culmination of my opinion and what knowledge I have. It is meant in the spirit of assistance and appreciation only. Please feel free to use what you deem useful and ignore the rest.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS I loved this. When I was younger this is the woman I always wanted to be, even though my mother didn't even begin to give me the skills to get there. Now that I am older and my kids are grown, not so much, but I have friends who are exactly like this.


STORY STRENGTHS I love the descriptions you used and examples: shadow boxes, butter tart ice cream. I also love how you made her human...my favorite line was: ' Like this one time, I made a large black forest cake for an anniversary party and it split in the middle four ways, the cherries and whip cream spilling down the silver tray onto a white linen tablecloth. Good times. Of course, I had a remedy to remove the cherry stains.' That is always the joy of being a domestic diva isn't it, sometimes the cheesecake isn't going to set, the chicken is going to need longer to cook and you are going to have to look up what to substitute for buttermilk.



GRAMMATICAL/SPELLING
There are a couple of sentences that seem a little off to me, for example...'Goes way back to her and the themed dinner parties...' I am not sure if you revised the sentence and didn't reread it or...? They don't seem to begin where they should.


OVERALL IMPRESSION
I really enjoyed this. The character feels so real and I would love to see more stories with her in it.


Thank you for sharing your work!
Write On!!